Quiet, Quiet Please

Quiet, Quiet Please

By Dr.Mohsen Al Saffar

Who among us can hate calmness? Is there any feeling better than sitting at home & relishing moments of peace of mind whilst hearing no noises nor disturbing sounds, particularly for those who are nature lovers or men of letters?

This is exactly what our friend, Saeed was thinking of. Saeed, a novelist & a bachelor decided to move from the bustle down town with its nonstop noise day & night to a humble rural home at the outskirts of the city where stillness prevails throughout the whole day.

His new home is spot of silence where the only high tone he could hear is a bird chirp on trees. He almost had a nervous breakdown due to the deafening clamors he used to hear at the old house which made his health worsened, his innovations dwindled and his creative skills diminished that he was unable to write a single word for long months.

Saeed had to pay the rent of 6 months in advance, which was un-recoverable upon an advice of a real estate dealer who told him that the landlord would not give up this condition. Though he was in an unenviable situation & the new house was extremely gorgeous, Saeed had to accept the condition without the least hesitation.

On the fixed day, his furniture arrived at the new house. Laborers were hectic bringing things down from the pick-up & putting them up till all furniture pieces were properly fixed. Later, workers left & cleaning started all over the place. Saeed was so exhausted that he fell in deep undisturbed sleep that he enjoyed to the full for the first time after long years of living in clamor, alarms & cries of children.

In the early morning, Saeed woke up & enthusiastically held his pen to start writing his first line on paper. Suddenly the door bell rang & he went towards the door reluctantly. He was surprised to glimpse a young boy at the age of 10 standing at the threshold of the door saying:



- Good Morning sir, how are you?

- Hello, son. What do you want ?

- I am Ahmed, he said it in a confident tone, as if he is the famous Ahmed Orabi, a Egyptian great military figure, and as if everyone else should know him.

- Welcome, young man

- I sell newspapers every morning in this town. Do you want newspapers everyday? Which newspaper do you prefer? Ahram, Akhbar, or Jamohoriya?

- No Ahmed, the reason I am here is that I want to be away from almost everything. I do not need newspapers. I do not want to know news or problems that take place every day.

- Ok

The young boy left in despair after failing to win a new customer. Saeed went back to his desk & held his pen starting again to write the first line. Suddenly, the door bell rang again. Saeed moved heavily towards the door to answer it. He saw a lady in rural costume standing there. She addressed him in a pure rural accent saying:

- Good Morning master, how are you?

- I am not your master, not even the master of myself. How can I help you?

- I am Hanim. May God give you all happiness, my master. I am your servant, Umm Ahmed(mother of ahmed).

- Yes Umm Ahmed, how can I help you”

- I am here to help you, sir. By the way, what is the name of your mother to address you as son of lady — , please?

- Oh God, give me more patience please. My mother’s name is Fatima.

- May God preserve you, son of Fatima.

- Please I need to go, what do you want?

- Sir. I bake the best pastry in town. Can I bring you some very sweet delicious pastries everyday?

- No. I suffer from diabetes & blood pressure. How can I eat this stuff everyday? Why don’t you bring a gun & shot me instead? Do you want to kill me?

- No Sir. This can not happen. May God preserve you against evil. Yet, this is a good idea, Sir because when you are killed, your photo will be published in newspapers which my son Ahmed sell everyday.

- Is Ahmed your son?

- Of course my son. Do you think he can be my father?

- it’s my great pleasure and good bye.

Saeed banged the door & returned to his desk. He began writing till he finished the first page. He felt enthusiastic for writing continuously till the end of the book. He held the second paper & hardly began writing when the door bell rang again. Saeed frowned & got up to open the door. He glimpsed a rural man standing there with a wide smile but hidden under his thick mustache.

- Hello my lord

- lord? One hour ago I was a master, and now I am a lord. By the end of the day I shall be My Excellency. How can I help you?

- I am Ahmed’s father, my lord.

- Oh Really. Ahmed’s father in person! Don’t tell me that you are the father of Ahmed who sells newspapers & the husband of Umm Ahmed who bakes pastries!

- Correct, my lord.

- It is my pleasure Abu Ahmed, what can I do for you?

- my lord, I am the best guy in cleaning cars in town. Do you want me to clean your car every day? Your car will be extremely glittering.

- Can you see any car parking outside in front of this door?

- No

- Then, this means that I do not have a car, man.

- Is there any lord without a car?

- What a long day, God. I am not a lord. I do not have a car. Even If I have a car, I do not want anyone to clean it.

- Ok, do not get nervous. Good bye.

Saeed returned to his desk & started writing again. He grew nervous gradually. He boiled the pot & drank a cup of dark tea to relax upon the advice of his doctor after quitting smoking.

After half an hour he held a paper in his hand & started writing. When he hardly finished the first line, the door bell rang and Saeed was fuming with anger. He gnashed his teeth & opened the door nervously. He glimpsed a young lady in rural costume wearing a scarf over the head. She greeted him with a shy look, saying:



- Hello Sir.

- Hello, how can I help you my sister?

- Spinster? Spinster? Do you see me ugly to call me spinster? There are thousands men who wish to marry me, but I am not thinking of marriage at present.

- My lady. Did I say “spinster”? I said “sister”

- Your sister? Thanks sir, my name is Hameeda, sister of Ahmed.

- God damn this Ahmed & his endless family. What do you want?

- sir, I am the best woman in washing clothes in the entire directorate. Do you want me to wash your clothes?

- No thanks, I have a washing machine.

- What do you mean by having a washing machine? Who is she? Don’t tell me it’s Hawanim, because she always takes customers away from me.

- Madam, first; I am not your customer, secondly; I have an electric washing machine, thirdly; thanks & good bye.

- As you wish, Sir. Do you think that washing machine has better hands and can wash better than my hands?

- tell me, do you have any other brothers & sisters?

- No

- Thanks God. This is good news.



The lady went away & Saeed sat on a chair after his mind was fully distracted. He decided to take a cold shower thinking it might help in calming him down.

Saeed went out of the bathroom & felt comfortable. He forgot Ahmed & his family, and started writing again till he reached the middle of the page when he heard a donkey braying like a thunder in his ears continuously.

Few minutes later, Saeed rushed out of the house to see the braying donkey. He glimpsed a man standing in the street beside the window gripping the donkey firmly. Saeed went to him directly with heated wrath.

- Why do you stand here, man?

- It is not your business, man. Do you see me standing in the middle of your house? I am standing in a public place.

- Yes, but your donkey is disturbing me & you are standing close to my window.

- What can I do for you? It is a donkey & what you are hearing is its voice. Do you want me to use a silencer?

- Why do you stand here deliberately? Are you waiting for anyone?

- Yes this donkey belongs to Abu Ahmed & I am waiting for him to come and take the donkey. Also my cousin will come here after one hour to bring a cow so that my uncle would come & take both together. We do this arrangement twice a day in the morning & afternoon. Do you understand?

- May God take away your soul & souls of Abu Ahmed & the donkey & myself too. Do you guys intend to drive me crazy? This is terrible. I have escaped from Cairo because of its clamor & decided to live in the countryside to enjoy tranquility. But since this morning I have nothing but disturbing chats about papers, pastries, car wash, clothes washing, and now about a donkey & a cow. What should I do now with you? The best thing I can do now is to leave this place immediately. May God compensate me for the 6 months rent which I paid in advance. May God inflict mishaps upon all of you, guys. On God I only count.

Saeed packed his things hurriedly & left the new house heading for Cairo again.

Abu Ahmed was sitting with his wife, son & daughter whilst laughing hysterically at the scene. Abu Ahmed, then sarcastically said:

- Can you see now my wife, this is the third tenant who came to seek calmness in our house & we forced him to pay 6 months rent in advance but now he fled away on the first day of the rent after we made him crazy with our devilish tricks. Tomorrow morning I shall ask Hanafy, our real estate dealer, to fish for another foolish tenant whom we can dupe & deceive to snatch few pounds from him by hoax. Hahahahahah, I heard Saeed is an educated guy who came in quest of illusionary calmness. How a foolish guy



-End-

نورت ميدو يا هلا